


A Cold Sunday Afternoon

by prince_dejah



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Mild Language, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2014-11-25
Packaged: 2018-02-26 18:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2662745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prince_dejah/pseuds/prince_dejah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha is on her period, so the boys go out to get her chocolate and pads. Idiocy ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Cold Sunday Afternoon

**Author's Note:**

> (originally a birthday present for the lovely RiddleBlack)
> 
> this is mostly based off the marvel cinematic universe, taking place after avengers 1 and 2 and probably whatever the hell captain america 3 is going to be about. there is slight bruce banner/natasha romanoff and steve rogers/bucky barnes but since those relationships aren't super important in this fic, i didnt tag them.
> 
> thanks for reading! :)
> 
> EDIT: ok i wrote this waaaay before avengers: age of ultron came out so please forgive any continuity errors
> 
> SECOND EDIT: wow ok so after ultron i no longer ship bruce and natasha so u can read this however u want, im not gonna change it, it's too old lol

It was relatively quiet in the upper floor of Stark Tower, save for the hum of the furnace, and the muted sounds coming from the flat panel display. The large glass windows let in late afternoon light, draping the open living room in pale yellows and golds. There was no slamming of doors, no alarms sounding, no shouting, no preparations for the next battle. Just quiet. It was a nice change of pace, and moments like this made Bruce happy that he had decided against his better judgment to live here. It also made him incredibly stupid, he thought as he headed over to Natasha’s room in hopes of “hanging out” with her, as she had put it.

She was always trying to pull Bruce away from whatever he was working on in his lab, insisting that he had to do something dumb once in a while or his brain would fry. He would always fumble an excuse, his nerves getting the best of him. Why would she want to hang out with him? Weren't they just friends? That’s what friends did right? Just hang out? Or did she mean something else entirely? He starting sweating at the thought of “something else”. It’s not that he had the best track record with the whole idea of dating, he did alright with Betty...well “alright” was a pretty variable term. Why would whatever he and Natasha had be any different? What made him think that things would work out? Bruce sighed and shook his head, as if trying to clear the negative thoughts. His cynical side tended to win over his optimistic one.

Despite all this, here he was walking down the hallway, towards her room. Bruce told himself several things. One, he was only doing this because Tony had kicked him out of the lab, claiming that Bruce “had no life”, even though it seemed that Tony didn't have one either since he had the tendency to lock himself in the lab on a pretty consistent basis. Two, he had nothing better to do, which was actually true. And three, this was just to “hang out”, nothing more, nothing less.

Bruce’s worn-out tennis shoes made loud squeaks against the polished tiles, breaking the silence, and only making him more nervous. He pushed his glasses further up his nose, then decided to take them off, and stuffed them into his pocket. As he rounded the corner, he noticed that the muted sounds coming from the flat screen television were from the cartoon _Steamboat Willie_. He approached the couches that encircled the flat panel display that flickered on the wall, wondering why the film was left on. Usually Jarvis shut off anything that wasn't being used to conserve energy so this was unusual. Bruce couldn't see anyone watching the show. As he got closer however, he saw a tousled brown-haired head leaning against a hunched over blond. Bruce almost laughed out loud.

Bucky was completely sound asleep, his head leaning against Steve’s massive shoulder, the two inseparable underneath a pile of thick blankets. Steve was also asleep, but he was slightly more refined, with his breaths quiet and deep as opposed to Bucky’s loud snores and drool.

Bruce smiled and left the pair alone, getting back to where he was originally headed. He approached Natasha’s door with caution, still nervous about everything. Her door was bare except for some glittery stickers that she had tacked up to annoy Tony and a whiteboard that had a chart which simply read:

                                                                                  

He had almost forgotten about the insane paper hornet war that Natasha and Clint were having. Each of them had tried recruiting other people for their own "squads", even Bruce, but no one else wanted to get involved. Bruce vaguely remembered Steve joining in at one point, but he was forced to resign after he accidentally whacked Pepper with a really bad one. Apparently you can tell a 240 pound man with super strength who happens to be Captain America to quit playing paper hornets, but not two master assassins who run around making bird noises at each other.

Just as he was about to knock on Natasha’s door (or maybe he wasn't, he still hadn't made up his mind), he heard a series god-awful moans coming from her room. Bruce’s heart skipped a beat; what was that? Oh god, was she okay? What was going on? Bruce almost didn't want to get involved, just in case something were to happen. Then there were louder shouts, these sounding more painful than the last. Bruce made up his mind.

“Uh, Natasha?” he asked, hating how his voice sounded. He knocked softly. “You okay in there?”

More moans followed. 

“Natasha?”

“OH FUCK,” was the response he got.

 Bruce burst open the door, thankful it was unlocked, he probably wouldn't have been able to break it down...though the other guy might have. Her room was mostly dark, the large windows covered by hanging towels to block out the light. Bruce’s eyes adjusted fairly quickly as he made out different shapes. A small vanity neatly stacked with cosmetics, a large wardrobe, piles of clothes and shoes on the floor, and a lot of chip bag wrappers. In the farthest corner of the room, where all possible entrances were in full view, was a large lump on top of the bed. The moans were coming from this lump, which Bruce saw as he neared the bed, was Natasha. He could only barely make out a few curls of her auburn hair as her back was to him and the rest of her body hidden beneath the blankets.

“Hey, Natasha?” Bruce started. “You okay? You sound pretty hurt…”

A hand shot out of the covers and waved him off.

Bruce rolled his eyes. “If you think that I’m just going to leave while you’re in here dying, then you’re dumber than you look. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

There was another groan, and then Natasha flopped over so that she was now facing him. Bruce almost unconsciously took a hundred steps back. Natasha’s face looked like she had been pissed off several times over and was ready to destroy anyone else that bothered her. Her hair was unruly and all over the place, framing her furrowed brow and bloodshot eyes that were rimmed with bags.

“You wanna know what’s going on, Doctor Banner?” She growled. “I am bleeding out my vagina, I have the worst cramps in female history, and this only Day 2.”

Bruce fumbled for words. “Well, uh, that’s-that’s, I-”

She moaned and sunk lower into the sheets. “Why did both Pepper and Wanda have to be out at the same time? There is too much testosterone in this house.”

“Natasha, I can help,” Bruce said, not knowing what he was about to get into. “I might be pretty clueless about this stuff, but I’m sure everyone else and I can help.”

There was a muffled reply from underneath the covers.

“What?” Bruce asked, leaning towards her, trying to hear her better.

“I said, then you can help by going to the Walmart on 40th and picking me up a box of Tampax, a package of pads, and the biggest bar of chocolate you can find.”

Bruce stood there, slightly dumbfounded for a few minutes. His idea of help was making some earl grey, but if that’s what she needed, then that’s what he’d get her, Natasha let out another blood curdling moan, followed by a really loud stream of curses.

Bruce scrambled out of her room, not wanting to make things any worse. He quickly shut the door, and turned around to see half of the avengers standing in front of him.

“Gah!” Bruce exclaimed, not expecting anyone outside Natasha’s door, let alone Captain America, The Winter Soldier, Hawkeye, and the Falcon.

“What’s going on with Nat?” Clint asked, sipping out of the coffee maker. He stood there in a ratty pair of boxers and fuzzy socks, trying to sound nonchalant, but he was clearly concerned.

“She’s not dying is she?” Sam asked, his arms crossed. “Cause she owes me 20 bucks from the last poker game.”

“She doesn't sound too good,” Steve said, nodding to the noise of more groaning that could be heard through the door.

“Yeah, but she’s good enough to wake me up,” Bucky growled, clearly annoyed.

“Mmhm,” Clint agreed. “I could hear her even without my aids. It seems worse than usual.”

“Well, she-uh she’s on her thing…”Bruce started.

“Period.” Clint corrected.

“Right,” Bruce nodded. “And since Pepper and Wanda are out, she wants us to go, uh, get her stuff.”

“You mean like Tampax and chocolate?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, that.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’m sure it’s not that bad,” he said, pushing past Bruce into Natasha’s room, closing the door behind him.

There was muffled talking and then the conservation got louder and then there was banging and snippets of Russian.

Bucky slipped out of her room, his terrified face saying it all. A shoe was thrown at his head followed by a loud “Пошел на хуй!” Bucky quickly shut the door before more things could be chucked in his general direction.

“So, uh we should go get that stuff then, huh?” Steve said.

“I’ll go put on pants,” Clint mumbled.

                                                *                                                             *                                                             *

 Bruce wouldn't really consider himself claustrophobic. Well, he wouldn't go out of his way to shove himself into tight spaces, but usually he didn't mind. The time he spent on the Helicarrier in New York was proof of that. But crammed in Sam’s 2002 Ford Escape with Thor, Steve, and Clint all squished together in the back, he definitely started feeling a little claustrophobic. Sam had offered to drive, Bucky called shotgun, and Clint grabbed the back window seat, Thor following, and Steve insisting that Bruce go next so that Steve was the last one in the back. And Bruce was stuck in the middle. Bruce wasn't sure why everyone had decided to pile in and go shopping for less than five items. After all, Tony felt no need to go, or rather he was in the “middle of a breakthrough” therefore couldn't be bothered, and Pietro had literally run out of the room when he heard what was going on. But Bruce didn't mind the company. In fact, he actually liked it when they went out together, it was almost like going out with a really loud and enormous family.

Stuck in between Thor and Steve, Bruce couldn't really see much passing by on the side windows, he was kinda forced to stare straight ahead. So when Clint complained that they had just passed a grocery store, Bruce couldn't even look out to see which one.

“Oh c’mon, there was a Walmart right there! We could be in and out in like two seconds,” Clint said grumpily as they passed by. He was never one for shopping longer than they had to.

“Well, Bucky has coupons for Costco, so we’re going there,” Sam said, as he made a left down the street. Luckily there wasn't too much traffic on a cold Sunday afternoon.

“What are these...coupons?” Thor asked, pronouncing coupons like quepons.

“They’re little slips of paper that people use to get discounts on their purchases,” Steve explained.

“Ah,” Thor said nodding his head, which caused him to bang it against the car roof. As he winced and rubbed his head, he asked “But surely Anthony has enough currency that we do not need these...coupons?”

“Oh he does,” Clint said. “Bucky’s just cheap as hell.”

This earned Clint a punch in the leg from Bucky’s metal arm which made Clint kick him, which made Sam yell to knock it off, which then made Steve yank Bucky’s arm away, which pushed Bruce further back against Thor which made Thor laugh and squeeze Bruce’s shoulder.

“Not one for fights are you, my friend?” Thor asked.

Bruce smiled, “Do I look like a guy that could take on a car full of five people with superhuman capabilities?”

Thor laughed again. “Though you may be lacking in physical strength, you do quite fine intellectually, Doctor.”

“Thanks,” Bruce said. “I’d like to think I do okay in a theoretical cosmologist battle with Stephen Hawking.”

Thor looked at Bruce with an almost wistful expression. “You do remind me of my brother, always speaking of ideas and people I have never heard of. And he was always far more clever than I.”

“Mm, clever’s not exactly a word I’d use to describe him,” Clint mumbled.

“What was that, Eye of Hawk?” Thor said, rising defensively in his seat.

“Do you guys think you could go for a full traffic rotation without my car taking a beating?” Sam remarked, trying to stop another fight.

“If you're concerned about your car, Sam," Steve said laughing. "I gotta tell you, it looks better on the inside than it does on the outside."

“Well, just cause it’s got a few scrapes here and there doesn't mean I don’t take care of my baby,” Sam replied, patting the dashboard.

“FINALLY!” Clint exclaimed as they pulled into the Costco parking lot. Sam hadn't even parked the car before Clint jumped out. Once Sam had it parked, the other Avengers got out as well, following Clint into the store.

“I thought you didn't mind tight spaces,” Bruce said as they walked through the doors. “You know, with you being Hawkeye and all.”

“I don’t mind tight spaces or heights, but I do mind being stuck in the back of a cramped car with two blond beefheads,” Clint said good naturedly, nodding back to Thor and Steve. “Besides, I wanna get back to Nat, you know, to make sure she’s okay and stuff.”

Bruce nodded. “You think she’ll be alright?”

“Hard to tell,” Clint replied shrugging. “She might be dead by the time we get back IF SOME PEOPLE DON’T HURRY UP.”

“We’re coming, we’re coming,” Steve said as he quickened his pace, motioning for the others to follow.

The group stopped in the front of the store, taking in the sights of brightly packaged items, the sounds of rustling grocery bags, beeping scanners, and people shopping, the smell of warm food.

“Damn,” Sam remarked. “I haven’t been to Costco in ages, er months,” he said, looking at Steve and Bucky.

“You ever been here, Thor?” Bucky asked, looking up at the god.

“Nay, I have not, James,” he said looking around. “But I can see what I have missed, This may not be like the market square on Asgard, but it seems to do Midgard quite well.”

“Yeah,” Clint said, eyeing the samples. “It does alright. Excuse me gents, there is a table of free food with my name on it.”

“I do not see ‘Clint Barton’ written anywhere at all,” Thor said, looking quizzically at Clint.

“No, you goober, it’s an expression,” Clint chastised, grabbing the food.

“Man,” Steve said as they approached the table lined with delicate rolls of dough and meat. “I can’t remember the last time I ate free samples.”

“That’s probably cause everything on God’s good earth was rationed ‘back in the day’”, Bucky said, stuffing four into his mouth, Clint already on his second helping.

“Uh, dudes,” Bruce said hesitantly, not wanting to be that one guy. “I love free food as much as the next person, but shouldn’t we get Natasha her stuff?”

“Sure,” Sam said, dusting off the crumbs from his shirt. “Long as you never say ‘dudes’ again.”

Bruce laughed. “Oh, so that’s not hip anymore?”

“Nope,” Steve said, taking out a notebook from his pants pocket and flipping it open.

“Christ, it’s that stupid notebook again,” Bucky muttered to no one in particular.

“While ‘dudes’ is out, ‘homies’,’posse’, and ‘crew’ are in,” Steve said beaming, obviously rather proud of himself.

Clint and Sam looked at each other and then burst out laughing. 

“Oh c’mon…” Steve said disheartened. “I thought I had that one…”

Clint wiped a tear from his eye, “Who told you that you would sound even remotely cool saying those things?”

“Stark did, the bastard,” Steve replied, looking like he was making some sort of secret vow to kill Tony later.

“If it makes you feel any better, Tony gave up trying to educate me on all things ‘cool’”, Bruce said.

“That actually makes me feel worse,” Steve said.

“HEY!” Bucky shouted from three aisles down.

Everyone jumped, not realizing that he had moved so fast. Bucky was holding a large package with pink and green floral designs.

“I found the pads,” he said quieter now that he everyone’s attention, as well as half the store’s.

“Why does he do that? It gives me the damn creeps,” Sam said. “It’s like he’s got super-human speed or something.”

“And super-human hearing,” Bucky added as he disappeared into another aisle.

“Too bad you didn’t get super-human good looks,” Steve called back to which Thor laughed.

A metallic middle finger shot out of the aisle as Bucky stuck out his arm.

“Well, I guess I’ll grab the tampons” Bruce said as he started to wander down the other rows of items.

“Hold on, Banner. If Bucky has already got the pads, and you’re getting the tampons, then you, Clint, and Sam should go together to make sure they’re the right kind. Thor and I will close in on the chocolate, and-”

“Captain, we are merely purchasing goods, there is no need for battle strategies,” Thor said, patting his shoulder.

Steve looked embarrassed when he realized what he was doing. “Oh. Gotcha,” Steve cleared his throat.

“But you are right. You and Thor would be pretty useless in picking out the right tampons,” Clint said. Steve looked like he was about to defend his knowledge about tampons, but Clint cut him off. “You guys go get the chocolate, we’ll be right back.”

Steve nodded, walking off with Thor, vaguely in the direction where Bucky was even though the candy aisle was the other direction.

Bruce, Sam, and Clint made their way over to the hygiene aisle, passing a very enthusiastic employee to whom Clint turned down for help, saying that they ‘had this covered, thanks.’ Once there, Sam and Clint started debating over which type of tampons Natasha would like best, while Bruce was lost in his own thoughts, wondering how Natasha was doing. He hoped that she was feeling better, he still wanted to watch a movie or two with her. But if she wasn't up to it, no problem, he thought. He’d just head back to the lab to do more….well maybe he’d see if Tony and the others wanted to watch something. After all, it was kind of more fun with them around.

“Bruce, you in there?” Sam said, looking like he had asked that question more than once.

Bruce shook his head and gave a sheepish smile, “Sorry. You guys finally come to a compromise?”

“Meh,” Clint shrugged. “Sam seems to think th-...” He trailed off as his eyes suddenly got wider.

Bruce turned around to see what he was gawking at. There, smack in the middle of moving grocery carts, screaming children, and panicking shoppers, Thor stood with his arms full of different types of chocolate, a huge grin on his face.

“What happened to the one bar of chocolate, big guy?” Sam asked laughing.

“There was a wonderful man handing out free samples of chocolate, so naturally I tested each one to see which bar would be suitable for our comrade.” Thor said, trying not to drop any of the bars of chocolate.

“Naturally,” Bruce said smiling.

“I could not just simply choose one, for fear that they would not satisfy Natasha.”

“So you grabbed all of them because you were scared that Nat wouldn't like them?” Clint asked in disbelief.

“Well, he also liked all of them,” Steve said, coming towards the group with a box of powdered doughnuts.

Bruce chuckled, “Alright, are we ready to check out?”

“Yeah…” Sam replied, looking around. “But where’s Bucky with the pads?”

“On your left,” Bucky whispered, appearing behind Sam.

Sam let out a screech and almost dropped the box of tampons to which Bucky only contorted with laughter.

“Damnit! Man, I _hate_ it when you do that!” Sam said, swatting at Bucky.

“You know I only do it out of looove,” Bucky crooned.

“Was he was born obnoxious or something?” Sam asked Steve.

Steve smiled and shrugged. “Yep, pretty much.”

The group made their way towards the checkout counters, standing on line for a good ten minutes before the cashier was finally free. They must have looked rather funny, these tall bumbling men all shuffling towards the counter with arms full of pads and junk food. Luckily, the cashier was an elderly woman who didn't seem to care at all what they were up to. She simply nodded in greeting and slowly scanned each of the items.

“Your total is fifty-six, seventy-one,” she said monotonically.

“That is some kind of chocolate,” Clint mumbled under his breath. Steve nudged Bucky forward, and he handed her his coupons.

The old lady sighed and typed in the code on the back of the coupon, her long red nails clacking against the keys. “Your total is now forty-five, twenty-eight.”

“Damn, Buck,” Steve whispered. “I thought you had _good_ coupons.”

“Well if you want something better than 20% off, why don’t you tell her that you’re Captain America or something? I’m sure you’d at least get an active duty discount,” Bucky shot back.

“C’mon guys,” Bruce said. “Here, I've got a ten.”

“I've got three bucks in quarters,” Clint offered, digging in his pockets.

“Er, I do not have any Midgardian currency,” Thor added.

Steve sighed and took out his billfold. The only thing he had in there was his new motorcycle license, a few ones, and a couple of his favorite baseball cards.

“Are we going to pay today folks?” the old lady asked, clearly impatient.

“Y’all really didn't come prepared, huh?” Sam laughed as he took what everyone had and paid the rest.

Thor bagged up the groceries and carried them all to the car, refusing any help, no doubt trying to make up for the fact that he hadn't been able to pay for any of it.

                                         *                                                           *                                                           *

They had made it back to Stark Tower with all that Natasha had asked for (and more) just as the sun was starting to set. As the group rode up in the elevator, Bruce smiled at the thought of seeing Natasha again, this time hopefully under better circumstances.

The elevator opened up to the walkway to the living room where Natasha could be seen,  curled up on the couch under the blankets, fast asleep. The only noise was the sound of the show _Gilmore Girls_ that was quietly playing in the background.

Before the group entered the living room, they looked at each other, wondering how they should wake Natasha. Clint made the decision for them.

He dropped his bag, snuck up to the couch, and let out a battle cry as he jumped on top of her.

“What the hell?!” Natasha cried angrily, as she tried to throw Clint off of her. His butt had her torso pinned to the couch and she was stuck. It seemed she was pissed at first. She tried to kick him off but upon realizing that she couldn't, just laughed and laughed.

The other members of the group sighed in relief, thankful she had only been shocked and not angry, brought over their groceries, and sunk into the other couches.

Finally, Clint got off Natasha just enough so she could kick him off, to which he laughed and scooted over so that they both were sitting upright on the couch.

“What’s all this?” Natasha asked, looking at the bags that covered the floor.

“It’s for you, Nat.” Sam said.

She looked confused, then she broke out into a grin. “Wait, you guys all went out and bought me this stuff?”

“Well yeah,” Bruce said. “We wanted to make sure you felt better.”

“Ohmygod,”Natasha exclaimed, “That was really nice of you guys, you didn't have to.”

“It’s not like you were going to throw more shoes at us if we didn't,” Bucky replied sarcastically.

Natasha stuck out her tongue at Bucky and smiled, “Alright, maybe I did push you guys a little bit.”

“Then maybe we can share all the chocolate Thor bought,” Steve said, opening a package.

“Yes!” Thor said, ripping open another one. Before he shoved it into his mouth, he looked over at Natasha and explained, “Do not worry, my friend. We purchased a mighty load for sharing- I mean to ensure that it was to to your liking.”

Natasha laughed and dug into a bag herself, looking at the brightly colored wrapper and opened it. She bit into it and sighed happily.

“Chocolate really does make everything better,” Sam said smiling as he bit into his own bar.

“So does a fuck-ton of Chinese food,” someone said as the elevator opened.

Bruce turned his head as he saw Tony walk in with Rhodey, Pepper, Wanda, and Pietro. They were all carrying bulging bags of food that seemed to seep with sauce, the aroma of fried goodness floating through the air.

“Stark, you've outdone yourself,” Steve said getting up to help with the bags.

“What makes you think it was his idea?” Pepper smirked. “He’s got the money, _I've_ got the brains.”

“And I've got a lot of pulled muscles from carrying all of this,” Rhodey groaned as he started to lug the groceries over towards the kitchen.

“Here,” Pietro said, and then with a little breeze, the bags were all on the steel counter, opened and ready for everyone to start eating.

“You are the man,” Rhodey said, patting a grinning Pietro on the back.

“Well, you could have at least gotten out the utensils,” Tony said.

Pepper whacked him on the head and he whined, “Whaaat?”

“C’mon, let’s eat!” Clint said, jumping up and moving towards the counter, “I’m starved.”

Everyone loaded their plates with steaming food and chocolate, pushing each other to get a seat on one of the couches, talking about their day, laughing at stories and really bad jokes. Clint did a pretty good impersonation of how Thor looked with all of the chocolate to which Thor and Natasha laughed. Tony complained about how Costco was overrated, Bucky told him to shut up, Pepper and Sam agreed. Wanda kept using hexes to move Pietro’s food around on his plate, and he used his speed to steal her lo mein. Rhodey asked Steve how the repairs had gone on his motorcycle, and Bruce smiled as he watched all of his friends talking and goofing around. He had never realized how badly he missed this, this feeling of home.

Bruce’s thoughts were interrupted as Natasha scooted over towards him and kissed his cheek.

He blushed, and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Thank you, Bruce.”


End file.
